JOEY the MIDWIFE: Helping give birth to great advertising. "Huh? 'Joey the Midwife???' What's this... a hot new advertising company? Yeah... looks good..... new ideas, youthful energy... and talent to burn. Wait, could it be-- They're rated US-48 State-to-State?!? OK, I DEFINITELY like the looks of this..... could be just what our product needs, a break from the ordinary! OK, let's hear a little more about it... Do they make good ads? Do they have good rates??? What's their background, their philosophy?... how'd they get to be the best?" Typical advertising is for jerks. Joey the Midwife isn't. It's as simple as that. That statement is our background, our philosophy, and our ideology. It guides everything we do. Why would you pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for another dose of Typical Advertising? Ho-hum... another ad campaign... call the ex-football star, the girls in bikinis, the rock band with the most tattoos... make your stupid commercial... then wonder why nobody's buying your stupid goddamn deodorant. Money well spent? Doubt it. Feel good? Doubt it. What you need is an exciting new ad campaign. Got it? No. Gonna get it? Yes. Go for it. Good going. You're on your way to a stroke of brilliance. Check our hip attitude. Check our bargain prices. Then make your call: Joey The Midwife at 212-OH-MY-GOD. Then you'll see why the NASDAQ Stock Report rated us "US-48 state-to-state." Current Clients: Duracell Batteries Inc. (batteries): internet viral marketing campaign 7-UP Company (soft drinks): internet viral marketing campaign Nissan Company (cars and trucks): internet viral marketing campaign Cadbury Eggs Promotions (candy-egg events planning): internet viral marketing campaign Price Check: Magazine Campaign: $4,000 Television Campaign: $6,000 Internet Full-Saturation Viral Marketing Campaign: $8,000 Schedule Check: All advertising campaigns will be submitted via floppy disk two weeks after you contact us with info. Payment Check: First half of balance should be sent before contacting us. (Use your email system to type "Get_paid" and then type the "a" with the swirl around it then type "Joeythemidwife.com") Balance of payment is expected within 30 days of receipt of your advertising campaign. Reality Check: We will never meet in person. You pick the theme you want. (See below.) You tell us the name of your product and what it does (enclose this information in an email) and we do the rest. You don't need to call to make sure everything is on schedule. You don't need to waste your time coming to a meeting. We hate meetings. And anyway why bother? We know we're gonna do a great job. Advertising Themes (a Joey the Midwife Exclusive): Here's our secret: We have developed the use of "themes" to sell products. Why reinvent the wheel with every ad campaign? We've got a collection of themes that are PROVEN winners.... themes everyone loves. We just plug your product into a theme and PRESTO BINGO, you've got a world-class ad campaign at a fraction of the cost and a fraction of the time. It works for us, it works for you... and it works for our best clients. Take a look.... Available Advertising Themes: "Tropical Fantasy"-- Islands and wine click here to see an example "Urban Fantasy"-- You're on the go... you need more power, more energy... try this soda pop... maybe then you'll see... click here to see an example "Space Noises"-- Ever been to the edge? Ever watched a starship crash into an asteroid? Ever kissed an alien lover with two heads? Ever wanted to buy that disinfectant from that Space Noises campaign?.... Yes, yes, yes!!! click here to see an example "Guys on Sofas"-- Wisecracks, backslaps, goof-offs, homeboys, best friends.... GUYS ON SOFAS click here to see an example "Chart People" (Not great; it was developed by an intern)-- The hard data you need... the nice people to look at. The raw numbers to calculate. You must be a chart person. click here to see an example Simply pick which theme you want your product to have and then contact us. Send the first check before you contact us, per the rates as determined above. Send payment to: Joey the Midwife Central Grand Terminal Post Office Box 109 Beacon, NY 12508